7.5 Minute Listen or Read
If you're unfamiliar with the story of Jonah, you can listen to it here (it'll only take 10 minutes). I love listening to The Bible Experience!
Because of all that had happened (not just within the church but also in my personal life), I decided I needed a new environment. So, I sold everything, told family and friends I was moving to another state, and then picked up and moved.
They ALL told me I was crazy and that I didn't know what I was doing.A few people even said, “You won't last three months!”Keep in mind, I was still angry—so I used those comments as fuel to push forward into the unknown.One week later, I was living in a new state.
In the beginning, everything was great.I had begun attending a new church and had a new girlfriend.
But then—out of the blue—the assistant pastor at the new church pulled me aside and said,“It is a sin for you to date that girl.”(He was referring to the Caucasian girl I was dating.)
And just like that, I was pulled back into the past. My immaturity and the fact that I hadn't yet healed from my first 100+ battles with this issue flared up again.
It felt like every time I took a step forward, I ended up moving backward a few steps.
Over the next few years, I continued to attend church services—but my heart wasn't in it.
Long story short? I became a hypocrite. I lied, cheated, finagled, betrayed friends, chased and hopped, became self-absorbed, and developed malice within my heart….All while attending church.
WHAT A PUNK! Pfffffttt……… WHAT A HYPOCRITE!!!
Finally, I couldn't take it anymore and stopped attending church altogether.
I left Christianity. I stopped praying.I stopped reading my Bible.
I had a car accident—a really bad one—and ended up in the hospital (multiple CAT scans, surgery, etc…).
There were so many accidents on the highways that day that the hospital ran out of rooms. So, there I was, laying on a gurney in the waiting area after surgery.
Plastic wires were sticking out of my head.I was drifting in and out of consciousness.
And then—for the first time in a long time—I prayed:
“Lord, I don't trust men of the cloth. I don't trust churches or organized religion. I know You've placed a call upon my life, but I just can't do it with people around me I don't trust. I'LL TELL YOU WHAT: If You put a man of God in my life—someone who cares about me, not my wallet—then and only then will I serve You!” Little did I know our Lord would place a man of God into my business to help me on my journey back to true faith in Christ!
NOTE: I use the phrase “true faith in Christ” intentionally—because during this low period, I had become religious. I went through the motions, but my heart wasn't in it.If anyone had asked me REAL questions like:
- “What can you tell me about your daily prayer life?” - “What was the last prayer of yours that God answered?” - “Besides your own wants and needs, who else are you praying for?” - “What topics have you dug into during your study of God's Word lately?” - “You've been a Christian more than five years, so what ministry are you involved in?”
…I would've failed miserably.
Ashamed… but Redeemed
I am very ashamed of this period of time in my life.
However, God was faithful.He kept drawing me closer to Himself, inch by inch.I resisted much of the time… but He remained faithful.
Eventually, I renewed my faith and trust in Christ and began life anew.
Four men helped me in this journey: - Chaplain Dale Lowrimore - Pastor Myles McPherson - Pastor Ray Bentley - Pastor Steve Brown
Here's a brief overview of what helped me through this season—besides the Lord Himself:
1. Repentance Every devout Christ-follower experiences and practices repentance—at the beginning of their journey, and off and on throughout life.
• It's not just feeling sorry. It's a TURNING AWAY from the things that steal our mind and heart from Christ—and a TURNING UNTO the things that matter to our King.
• So I repented of my old ways and turned my heart and mind back to Him.I began to focus more on the vertical (God and His Kingdom) and less on the horizontal (people and worldly things).
2. Prayer This is where I poured out my heart to God.
• Sometimes I yelled and screamed. - Sometimes I cried and whispered. - Sometimes I shook my fist toward heaven.
• At times, my prayers were only 15–30 seconds long.Other times, they lasted two to three hours!
NOTE: I'm thankful I was taught how to pray.This is something I believe many church leaders overlook—and it's something I'll write more about in upcoming articles. Three. While prayer allowed me to speak with God, reading and studying the Scriptures allowed Him to speak to me. Here are just a few of the verses that shaped me during this time:
3. Here are just a few of the verses that shaped me during this time:
• Acts 2:38 says “Repent and be baptized… and you shall receive the gift of the Holy Spirit.”
• Romans 2:4 says “God's kindness leads you to repentance…”
• Colossians 3:12-13 says “Put on compassion, humility, and patience… forgive as the Lord forgave you.”
• Hebrews 11:6 says “Without faith, it is impossible to please God…”
• James 1:26 says “If you think you're religious but don't control your tongue, your religion is worthless.”
Through these verses, I learned about:
- The importance of repentance.
- The necessity of faith.
- Baptism in Jesus' Name.
- God's goodness and patience as a means to repentance—not necessarily a sign of approval.
- The weight of our words and the power of the tongue.
- The importance of Holiness in our lives… and so much more.
4. Fellowship with Other Flawed BelieversThis is what many people misunderstand about church.
• Yes, there are hypocrites there.But there are hypocrites everywhere—at work, in hobbies, at the grocery store—yet we still show up.
• Fellowship with other believers (some more mature, some struggling like me, and some I could teach and encourage) gave me perspective. It helped me understand the range of Christian maturity—and it reminded me I wasn't alone.
There was a lot—and I do mean A LOT—that happened during this tumultuous time in my life. What I wrote above is just the tip of the iceberg.
Through it all, God was faithful—even though I was stubborn, self-absorbed, and blind to my own destruction.
If you have questions or comments, please email me here.
In His Name,
Roy